Author: Dimitri Aidan
Rating: Pg-13, because Tommy says a bad word.
Thanks to: Aloysha Star, for putting the idea for the Movie Drabble in my head and lending his ‘voice’ for Tommy.
Pairings: Billy/Teddy, implied Cap/Ironman, and a strange amount of Vision/Tommy/Teddy friendshippy goodness. I guess, since it makes sense that Tommy and Teddy would be staying in the Tower they might end up hanging out. (Tommy to avoid being taking in and Teddy for lack of other places to go since Billy’s place is a big gaping hole.)
Series: Rules to Live By
Rule Three: You can never watch too many Horror Movies
“Let me get this straight: This guy runs away from home, gets it raped by a bunch of guys, and winds up at a Satanist camp. They think he’s gay, which is bad because Satan makes gay people hemorrhage from the brain, but he ends up banging some chick. He’s not hardcore enough though and, after they bury his girl up to her neck and cover her in honey for ants to eat, he’s kicked out. He kills his rapists, comes back with their heads, and is let back in.”
Tommy looked at Vision then back at Teddy and nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Teddy stared at his teammates, no sure what to say next. They couldn’t be serious, and yet neither one was so much as twitching and Tommy was holding a DVD case labeled ‘Satan’s Children’ in his hand. They were becoming rather infamous for their strange movies but…no way.
[There is the one about the mutated turkey.] Vision said, apparently missing the look of mild horror that crossed Teddy’s face. [You remember, the main character becomes involved with the two sisters but, rather than choosing the religious one he goes with the drug addicted one.]
Teddy was willing to guess that Tommy did remember because he was practically bouncing in place at the suggestion. Teddy wanted to tell him to reign it in because things turned to rubble when Tommy was excited but his brain was still stuck on the ‘Mutated turkey’ part.
“He becomes a turkey?” He had to ask. How could he not ask?
Tommy gave him a look that implied he was seriously questioning his sanity. “No, what kind of plot is that? He eats some turkey and goes on a homicidal rampage.”
“Of course.” Where the hell was Billy when you needed him anyway? He was so much better at dealing with his psycho doppelganger than Teddy was. “Anything else?”
[…Bambi?] He hadn’t realized how condescending Vision could sound when he wanted to.
Rule Ten: Argue not which Robin is better because no one ever wins and feelings always get hurt.
“Please, Dick is the Original! You can’t beat that.” There were times when Teddy doubted his boyfriend’s intelligence. He never told Billy that out loud because Billy could take away certain
privileges that Teddy was fond of, but there were times.
Billy rolled his eyes. “Right. Dick was just a sidekick, Tim turned Robin into his own hero. He isn’t just the ‘Boy Wonder’ he’s ‘Robin’ and that makes all the difference. And he’s not a man-whore with extensive Daddy-Issues, so-”
“You…I…he doesn’t have Daddy Issues! You’re insane.”
Billy arched an eyebrow. “I’m what?”
“Uh…” Teddy swallowed and leaned back in his seat some. He needed a new tactic.
Tommy, who was sitting a few seats down the table from them and flipping through a history book he was being forced to study curtosy of Ironman, chuckled. “I believe ‘insane’ is the word he used.”
Teddy glared at the white-haired teen but if Tommy noticed he didn’t acknowledge it. Teddy had gotten used to his presence but that didn’t make him any less annoying, arrogant, and crazy. He was at a point where he was pretty sure Tommy not only knew he was all of those things, but took a certain amount of pride in it.
“And you’re both wrong, for the record.” The history book was tilted down slightly as Tommy looked up and Teddy could tell, just by the gleam in his eyes, that he was about to show off some of his usually hidden geek-tendencies. Thus far only Vision and sometimes Teddy were privy to them. “Dick is a slut with daddy issues, but that’s understandable when you consider who raised him. You only have to look at Arsenal to get something to compare it, because they have the same issues. Tim is a whining pussy who turns girls gay and will probably end up being the most insane because he not only has Orphan Syndrome but his father died after he became Robin and he couldn’t do a thing to stop it.”
The history book began to go back up but Billy reached out and grabbed Tommy’s hand. He ignored the chilly look the other teen graced him with, something only Billy could do. “Which do you think is better then, since you’re clearly an expert.”
“Jason. Steph wasn’t bad at first, but she was mangled by the end. Killing her was the most humane thing they could have done.”
“Jason Todd is insane.” Billy said then frowned thoughtfully. "Being dead might do that to you though."
“Thinking that putting on spandex and fighting crime is a good career choice is insane.” Tommy said, arching an eyebrow in amusement. "And Jason was always a little insane. Dying just made it more obvious."
Billy smiled faintly. “True, but he also totally undermines what it means to be a hero in the world by running around with his wavy knife and stabbing anyone who pisses him off.”
Tommy shrugged placidly. “Sometimes people need to have their insides become their outsides before they learn their lesson.”
Teddy couldn’t speak for Billy but he found that rather disconcerting. Actually he could speak for Billy and safely assume that his boyfriend wasn’t at all disturbed because all he did was smirk and let go of Tommy.
“You’re a Punisher fanboy aren't you?” Billy said, ignoring Teddy's motions that maybe he should shut up now. Teddy was always ignored in these situations. "I bet it's the guns. You seem like a guy who might be attracted to big...guns."
Teddy cringed, expecting explosions to go off and lightening to start flying but got a dry laugh instead. He looked up in time to see Tommy wink at Billy playfully. Only not, because it was more scary than playful.
“Maybe.” Tommy’s book went back into place as his head once again ducked down. “At least I’ll never have to worry about the people who cross me coming back as anything except corpses in the Hudson.” He paused, as if he could the horrified looks he was getting. “…ignore that.”
Rule Two: Sock on the door means beat it. Respect the sock.
“Just kill me now.” Tommy moaned sorrowfully. He was laid out on the couch and clutching a pillow hard enough for his knuckles to turn white. It was over his face, presumably to help with that ‘killing’ thing he had mentioned. Vision was sitting next to him, looking as distressed as he could manage. One could assume he was coping better since he wasn’t trying to suffocate himself or, more likely, he realized that he couldn’t logically do that. “I think I’m scarred.”
[I believe I am as well.] Vision said finally.
Tommy was silent for a moment then, sighing deeply, threw the pillow aside and pushed himself up to rest on his elbows. “At least one of them isn’t acting as your guardian. It’s like watching your parents…” He trailed off with a gag and a shudder.
[I have a photographic memory and lack the ability to forget any information I take in.]
Vision looked down at Tommy who met his gaze for a moment then collapsed back onto the couch. “You know when Steve was talking to Teddy about using socks when Billy was over I didn’t make that leap. I thought he was talking about condoms.”
Vision made a noise of agreement. [I didn’t know he and Tony were that…close.]
Tommy whimpered in response.
Rule Four: Thou shall not mention Sue Dibny,
Teddy eyed Cassie, who was hiding under the kitchen table, with thinly veiled curiosity. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Hiding.” The younger girl whispered, looking around nervously.
“Oh, of course you…why?”
“Billy wants to kill me.” She said, looking up at him with big round blue eyes. Teddy stared back, knowing he had to look like a deer caught in the headlights. “You’ll talk to him right?”
She beamed at him. “Great! All I said was that I didn’t get why he was so upset about that Blue Bug guy dying and he get got all weird on me.”
“You…oh. No. You’re on your own.” He took a step back and looked around neverously, half expecting Billy to pop out of the woodwork. “He’ll go easy on you, I’m sure. Good luck.”
He so wasn’t getting into that. He knew better.
Side-bar from the author: The Robin drabble opinions in no way reflect my own thoughts or feelings on the subject. I do fanboy Jason Todd, but I’m equally fond of Timothy Drake.
Oh, and I hate codes. I think I spent more time correcting errors in this than actually writting it. (I'm sure it shows.)